I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
