i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
