There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize