Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
