my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
