im drinking this country out of the recession.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
