So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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