so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Randomize
