I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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