he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
