she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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