Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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