Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
