If that was your dad, he is hot
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
