Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
