Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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