Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
