Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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