This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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