she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
