Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize