I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
