Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
