I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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