i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
