everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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