my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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