After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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