tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize