I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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