Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
