Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
