Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
