If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
