my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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