oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
