You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
