so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
