I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize