You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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