that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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