Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
