She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
