with your own penis?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
