Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
