We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
