just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
