she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Randomize
