girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
