she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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