GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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