We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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