Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
