I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
