How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My vagina is very pro this idea
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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