i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
