After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
