I wannas sexs uuuuu
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
