so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
