They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
how drunk are you?
Several
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
