So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize