Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
