My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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