Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
