My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
