community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
