Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
