I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
