drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
