I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Randomize
